The Experience That Helped Me During My Darkest Moment: Let’s Talk About Suicide

Writing those words felt incredibly daunting, as I faced the fear and stigma associated with the "S" word. Just thinking about it triggered a wave of anxiety throughout my body. Yet, this is precisely why I’m here – to discuss suicide openly and shed light on it with you. As September marks Suicide Awareness Month, I wish to share a personal experience and the insights I've gathered from my work as a psychotherapist as this month comes to a close.

Suicide remains a hush, hush topic much like other heavy and frightening subjects, even in environments where open discussions should be encouraged, such as graduate school for aspiring psychotherapists. During my time in graduate school for mental health counseling, I don't remember a single instance where we openly confronted the uncomfortable reality of suicide and its prevention. Instead, our conversations focused on the laws and mandates we, as care providers, must follow—such as contacting the police if someone expresses intent to harm themselves or others and adhering to the procedures for involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital. However, no one addressed suicide itself; it feels like another taboo "s" word. Where the prevailing belief seems to be that if we don’t discuss it, it won’t occur. We can pretend it doesn’t exist, but the truth is it impacts all of our lives in some way and so, not discussing it only causes us more harm.

We live in a world filled with complexity and suffering, rife with ongoing pain and injustice. Many individuals are enduring hardship in a judgmental, shame-based, violent, racially divided and caste-oriented society, which separates the haves from the have nots. Societal standards dictate how we should live, the access we have, the appearances we maintain, and which bodies are considered beautiful and worthy. This environment contributes to the loneliness epidemic that we currently face as a nation. For many, especially those of us who feel deeply, navigating this world can be incredibly challenging.

I am one of those people who feels deeply and there was a particular day when I found myself engulfed in despair and pain.  It was during the COVID pandemic, and as a single mother, I was confined at home with my four-year-old daughter. I felt isolated, overwhelmed, and grappled with both physical and emotional pain. I reached out to my therapist at the time, but she responded in a manner that felt clinical, cold, and dismissive, suggesting I go to the emergency room. There was no offer of support to help me explore additional resources beyond that option; I felt a lack of warmth, care, and empathy. It seemed as though my pain was too overwhelming and frightening even for my therapist, leaving me to navigate my struggles on my own.

Something moved me to connect with one of my friends, a land steward from the local land collective I’m part of. I sent her a message expressing my need for a break and support, and she graciously welcomed me. So, I ventured out to the land with my young daughter. We settled down together, speaking very little, as we sat outside under the carport, quietly processing Tulsi tea with our hands. I could sense the land's support. I could feel my friend's kind and loving presence all around me. The open space allowed me to breathe freely while my daughter could run free. I absorbed the warmth of the sun and felt the brightness of the day. This experience was exactly what I needed to reset, reconnect with myself, and restore my sense of clarity and inner stability. In that moment, it provided me with the strength to move forward.

A few weeks ago, musician Jon Bon Jovi was spotted in Nashville, TN, assisting a woman during a suicide attempt. Through his compassion, he helped her find the strength to believe she could face another day. Nashville Police Chief John Drake remarked after the incident, “It takes all of us to help keep each other safe,” which deeply resonated with me. As a psychotherapist, I frequently hear stories of suicidal ideation and attempts, and a common theme is that the presence of care and support during these challenging times can truly save lives. On the flip side, stories where individuals struggle with recovery, burdened by unresolved trauma, and experience persistent suicidal thoughts often stem from encounters filled with shame, fear, dismissal, or being pushed into involuntary medical and criminal systems that frequently inflict more harm than benefit. How can we create a society that not only saves lives but also prevents individuals from considering ending their lives as a result of the immense suffering caused by societal conditions?

I believe we begin this journey by embracing the principle that “It takes all of us to help keep each other safe.” How can we commit ourselves to this social pact? In times of darkness, we can reach out to someone and reassure them that we will not give up on them.  We can remind them that their mistakes do not define who they are and that their worth is not determined by material possessions. We can encourage someone in despair to get up, to step outside and feel the warmth of the sun on their skin, or we simply sit in silence with them to show that they are cared for. We must remind individuals in their darkest moments that they are not alone. By reducing the stigma surrounding suicide, we can work towards making this world a more livable, breathable, and welcoming place. We achieve this by raising awareness about suicide, educating ourselves about warning signs, and learning to listen with empathy. We can build a culture that encourages the proactive formation of care teams, where we actively engage in each other's mental health support and overall well-being. We can build new holistic systems of care that are peer-based and land-centered, integrating both psychiatric support and plant medicine, all rooted in compassionate care for those in need.

What will be your role in raising awareness about suicide and keeping each other safe?

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Mental Health, Relationships, Wholeness, Injustice, HealingJoy Longsuicide, suicide awareness month, mental health, healing, care